


Ours is a shared misery

by AlwaysEloise



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Internalized Homophobia, Light/Non-Graphic Sexual Content, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-31 13:11:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18591934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlwaysEloise/pseuds/AlwaysEloise
Summary: While Lucas is desperately pining for Yann, Alex is just as desperately pining for Charles. They find a unique sort of comfort in each other.





	Ours is a shared misery

**Author's Note:**

> This could alternatively be titled I refuse to believe that a.) The P Chris character isn’t bi b.) The P Chris character isn’t in love with the William character and c.) The P Chris character and the Isak character weren’t hooking up while they were organizing gang fights.

“You’re in love with him, right?”

Lucas doesn’t know what exactly possesses him to say that. It might be curiosity or maybe some self destructive tendency that wants him to get his face punched in. Most likely it’s the five consecutive shot of tequila that are currently coursing through his veins. 

Alex looks at him with an expression that Lucas finds unreadable. He wishes he knew the other boy a little bit better so that he could get an accurate read on whether or not he was about to get the shit beat out of him. 

“I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about Lallemant. Are you really drunk already?”

Lucas hears the unspoken “shut up” in his words, but he’s already too far gone to take the warning signals.

“Charles. I meant that you’re in love with Charles right?”

Lucas is positive now that he’s going to walk away from this conversation with some bruises. There's no way that Alex is going to stand for him blatantly accusing him of being in love with his best friend. There’s just no way.

“You’re one to talk. The way you look at that friend of yours is actually nauseating.”

That, Lucas was not expecting. He doesn't know if he’s more shocked that Alex hadn’t even tried to deny his accusation or that he had figured out his darkest, most desperately kept secret. His head is starting to spin just thinking about it.

“You… you have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Alex laughs humorously and then in one fluid motion comes up in front of him, wraps a hand around the back of his neck, and smashes their lips together. 

The second Lucas realizes what's happening he pushes Alex away, face flushed a horrified sort of red. Alex just quirks his eyebrow at him as if to say, “What’s the problem?”

“Uhm… what… I don’t…”

Alex rolls his eyes as if he has the right to be annoyed. As if Lucas is being some sort of irritating inconvenience. As if he hasn't just flipped Lucas’ entire world on its head. It’s the first time he’s ever kissed a boy, or more accurately the first time a boy has ever kissed him. 

“Don’t try to read anything into this Lallemant. It doesn’t mean anything.”

Lucas thinks about it for a second and decides that Alex is right. It doesn’t have to mean anything.

This time he’s the one to lean in and connect their lips. Alex responds almost enthusiastically, bringing both his hands up to rest against Lucas’ shoulders and then slowly trailing them down him chest. It’s the most amazing thing Lucas has ever felt. 

At least that’s what he think until he feels Alex’s hands slide even further down, right into the waistband of his jeans. Yeah, that’s definitely the best thing he’s ever felt.

***

The next morning he wakes up alone and remembers absolutely everything that had happened the night before.

For the first time in his life he wishes he could’ve just blacked out.

At least then the sound of Alex screaming out Charles’ name as he came wouldn’t be ringing through his head for the rest of the day.

***

Lucas has been dreading meeting up with Alex for the past two days. He doesn’t know how much the other boy remembers from the last time they had been together. Once again he’s not sure if he’s about to be beat to hell by the other boy. Though he doesn’t think that would really be fair seeing as he hadn’t even been the one to originally initiate contact.

When Alex finally arrives at his house he takes one look at Lucas and rolls his eyes. Lucas finds himself once again thinking that he doesn’t really have the right to.

“Chill the fuck out Lallemant. I told you that it didn’t meaning anything and I meant it.”

Lucas accepts his words with a nod and pulls out the bottle of tequila that he keeps hidden under a pile of clothes in his closet. He hadn’t originally planned on them drinking but for some reason he doesn’t know he can’t help himself from offering Alex a shot.

Except maybe he does know the reason. Maybe the reason comes in the form of Alex dragging his nails down Lucas’ bare back and sucking dark bruises into the soft pale skin on his neck.

***

The next morning Lucas wakes up alone again and he still remembers everything.

This time though, he’s glad he didn’t black out. 

He doesn’t even care that he can still hear Charles's name ringing through his ears when he sits in French class that day.

***

Lucas isn’t sure how it happened. Doesn’t quite understand how he ended up standing in his small bathroom tending to the gash on Alex’s forehead from the fight. It makes him feel weird, like the two of them are something more than casual. And he doesn’t want to be more than casual, at least he doesn't think he does.

“You’re over thinking things as usual. Can’t you ever shut that brain of yours up?”

“I didn’t even say anything.”

“You’re thinking so loud that I can hear it.”

“Fuck off.”

That night, after Alex has been all bandaged up, they find themselves laying in Lucas’ bed. This time there’s no alcohol to impair their judgement or make their heads a little fuzzy around the edges. Right as Alex hooks a finger into the waistband of his jeans Lucas grabs his wrist.

“Don’t you think this is weird?”

“Jesus Christ Lallemant, shut the fuck up and stop worrying.”

So Lucas does. 

***

They see each other more days than not now. Everytime Alex puts his hands on Lucas’ body Lucas feels himself becoming more attached. It’s a scary feeling, he knows he doesn’t want a relationship with the other boy and he knows that that sentiment is reciprocated, but still. He feels himself becoming dependent on the time they spend together. Craves his body, his touch, the feeling of his breath against his neck when they’re apart. The only time Lucas’ thoughts aren’t lingering on Alex are when he’s with Yann. 

He is monumentally fucked.

***

One night Alex shows up on his doorstep with his shoulders drooped and his head hanging. When Lucas puts a hand on his shoulder and forces him to look up he's greeted with Alex’s tear streaked face.

“I kissed him.”

His words are slurred so Lucas knows that he’s at least tipsy but he doesn’t have the time to wonder whether that happened before or after. 

“Why?”

“Because I knew if I didn’t try I would always fucking wonder. I was sick of waiting for something that was never going to happen.”

Lucas’s mouth gapes open a little bit. He understands what Alex is saying, he’s had the exact same thoughts. But he’s never considered acting on them. For that he thinks that Alex might be one of the bravest people he’s ever met. But he also thinks that Alex is one of the stupidest, for being willing to risk his friendship over something he knew deep down would never happen.

“Fuck me.”

“What?”

“I want you to fuck me.”

Those words make Lucas feel like his heart is coming to a stuttering halt. As many times as they’ve been together it had always been Alex in charge. It was never even a question between them, Lucas had been all too happy to let Alex have the reins. But now he wants to change that. The thought scares and excites Lucas all at once.

“Okay.”

***

That night when Alex comes he screams Lucas’ name. 

***

It doesn’t take too long after that night for everything between them to fall apart. Lucas only needs to look at the way Alex stares at Charles to understand why. Because there's no longer any love in his gaze, at least not love that exists beyond friendship.

He expects himself to be jealous of Alex or maybe even hurt by him. He’s not though. He’s happy for him and maybe he’s a little hopeful too. Because if Alex Delano and Charles Munier of all people can remain friends after something like that he thinks that he and Yann stand a pretty good chance.

***

And when he sees Alex walking through the hall with an arm wrapped around Emma’s shoulders he smiles at him and gives him a thumbs up.

That’s what friends do after all.

***

“Am I your first?”

Lucas is so lost in Elliot’s eyes that he doesn’t fully process the question at first.

“My first what?”

“You’re first guy.”

For a second his thoughts flash to Alex and the long nights that they had spent together, bodies intertwined. Then they immediately train back on Elliot, on his golden hair and beautiful eyes, on the way it had felt to kiss him the night before.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

Lucas laughs and leans in to kiss him softly. 

Alex is a story for another day.


End file.
